In Your Presence

 

I am quite behind the times!  As people have asked me for an update, I have been sharing my news, but I did not pass it on to everyone yet, so here goes...

Many of you will know that I volunteered my nursing skills with Mercy Ships in 2016.  I absolutely loved the time spent on board the hospital ship, and my plan was to return to the ship in 2018.  Unfortunately, the timing was not right, and I was unable to leave work for a significant length of time, meaning that I will not be going on the ship in 2018.

When I realized that this opportunity to serve was not going to work out, I was incredibly disappointed.  Truth be told, I actually was frustrated with God.  Earlier in 2017, it had seemed that God opened the door for me to go back to the ship, so it did not make sense that now the door had totally closed--and it did not just close gently, but with a bang!  I dreaded the idea of working in the cold Canadian north all winter and had grown tired of routine and "the same old things" at work.

Parents and Children

Often when we do not get our way, it is easy to respond in anger toward God.  "How could He say 'no'?" and "He must not be a very good God" are some thoughts that might run through our minds (among many other things).  However, often this anger is foolish and childish, because as children, we do not know the big picture and understand what God is doing.  Parents often say "no" to their children.  There are many reasons for this:

• sometimes what the child wants to do will be harmful, and if the parent allows the child to have what he wishes, he could be harmed


• sometimes parents have different plans for a desired outcome, and if they give in to their children, this will hinder that outcome from occurring.  For example, a child could desire to spend money on a cheap dollar store toy, but the parent prevents it, knowing that if the child saves the money, she will be able to purchase something better in the future.


• sometimes parents refuse a good request/desire of their children, without planning on giving something better in the end.  Children may see this and often reply, "It's not fair!", "Why does she always get what she wants and you never let me have what I want?", or "You have favourites!".  Now,  we know this is not true, but the children put up a fight without knowing the entire situation.  Yet, since the parent has more knowledge and has plans for how the direction of the family should go, the children ought to obey parental authority.  The child is obliged to obey, regardless of whether everything is sufficiently explained.

God and Us

So why am I talking about parental-child relationships?  Because I am a child of God.  And because in this particular situation, I did not get my own way.  God is my Father; this I know, having turned away from my sins and having surrendered my desires to Jesus.  There was one point in my life where I repented of disobeying God and asked Jesus to be the Master of my life (Romans 10:9-11).  God at that point, welcomed me into His family!  I had once been far off, but now God brought me near to Himself--so near, in fact, that He has called me His child (Ephesians 2:13, 19; Romans 8:14-17)!  As my Father, God has the right to correct me when I go astray, and to do what He wants, even if it makes no sense to me and is the opposite of what I wanted.

Sometimes God's actions will result in immediate happiness or success for me, but there are other times when nothing will make sense, I will be unhappy, and God will not explain Himself to me.  A Desiring God article that I recently read talked about the fact that when God closes doors, that does not always mean He will open a window or another door.  It does not always mean that a great opportunity is just around the corner or that I will think God's plans are even better than before.

God Has a Plan

Sometimes God's will for our lives brings incredible pain and suffering and disappointment.  However, we can take comfort from the fact that God says "all things will work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose" (Romans 8:28).  What we call good and what God (seeing the bigger picture and being our Creator) calls good are sometimes two very different things.

The Desiring God article refers to John the Baptist saying about Jesus, "He must increase, but I must decrease" (John 3:30).  The outcome for John the Baptist was not good in terms of what humans usually consider to be a great result.  He was put into prison, and later was murdered by Herod for his proclamations about Jesus (Matthew 14:3-12).  This doesn't sound like good news at all--what a horrible way to die, and all because John spread the truth about Jesus.  But in God's estimation, it was a good thing.  This is not easy to reconcile from within our finite and sinful minds.

We only know how to live within time, within this created universe (and only in a tiny fraction of it by far), and cannot even control most events on our own planet!  However God is the Creator of all things (Genesis 1:1-2:4, Acts 17:28), He made time and is outside of it, and He is infinitely powerful, meaning that there is nothing He cannot do or change or cause to occur!  Instead of becoming frustrated about what God is doing, the knowledge of His sovereignty should cause me to trust in Him more.

God's plan could very well not be my plan.  And God's plan might not be something I like or enjoy.  His plan could mean great physical discomfort.  His plan could mean a difficult living situation.  His plan could mean persecution and oppression.  His plan could mean death.  But that does not mean His plan is not good.  He is God and I am man.  "Will the clay say to the potter, 'What are you doing?'" (Isaiah 45:9-10)?

My Plans Have Changed

All of that to say: I am not going to Cameroon with Mercy Ships in 2018.  Maybe I will go in the future and maybe I won't.  Maybe I will continue to feel stuck in my situation or maybe I will have great happiness.  Maybe I will travel more or maybe I will stay in the same location for the rest of my life.  Maybe I will become sick or go blind or suddenly have no place to live.  I really don't know what God has planned for me, but this I do know: nothing can separate me from God's love (Romans 8:38-39; John 3:16)!  Death, pain, suffering, sin, and Satan will all be abolished in the end and Jesus is victorious (1 Corinthians 15:55-57; Revelation 20:10-15)!  I choose to rest in the knowledge that God does have a good plan, and one day I will be in heaven with Him, praising Him and delighting in Him for all eternity!

After the initial sting and disappointment wore off, God began to change my heart.  As I wrote above, I was upset and viewed this situation as unfortunate.  However, I can now see God's hand in all this, and can now recognize that God has provided an answer for me.  I was torn about what would be the best decision, and now I don't have to choose; my decision was made for me.  Secondly, I can now see that the reason it did not work out for me to go back to Africa this winter was only because of God: He moved in people's hearts to prevent me from leaving my home right now.  He can turn hearts (Proverbs 21:1) and did so in this instance to ensure that His plan was accomplished.  It was not my desire to stay, but it was His.  I now have an incredible excitement to be where God has put me!  Although I dreaded the thought of living where I am, God has brought great contentment and joy.  He is doing amazing things in my own life and is teaching me more about Himself.

God is also working in the people around me--He has answered specific prayers and has proven His goodness over and over again.  He has provided opportunities to disciple Christians and to spread the Gospel!  I can now see that if I had left to go on the ship at this time, I would not have been a part of the amazing things God is doing in Canada.

No matter where we are or what we are doing, God is aware and has placed us exactly where He wants us to be.  There comes great happiness from following the Lord and being in His will! 

"You will make known to me the path of life; in Your presence is fullness of joy; in Your right hand there are pleasures forever." ~ Psalm 16:11